To my future internet-savvy children

Dear future Ella and D2, The year is, I guess, 20…20? (I don’t know, actually. I think this guess is influenced by my having just gone to the optometrist.) and you are *on the Internet.* Maybe its after school. You idolize me still, and want to read the blog you’ve seen me work on over […]

Getting Your Kids to Listen: Pro Tips from an Expert

If I got a dollar for every time I said: “Thank you for politely listening right away!” … I’d start saying it all the time. Not because it was true, but because it would be nice to be a salaried parent. And I’d be saying something that–when true–probably makes you feel like a really amazing […]

The Things They Handed Me

Small children value, trust, and appreciate parents. I can tell. Why else would they think we should get to hold their weird treasures and see and touch their disgusting trash without fear that we are judging them? Well, sometimes I am judging them. And kids over the years have handed me some ridiculous things. So, so many apple […]

Why Am I Always Tired?

I often find myself on the verge of falling asleep of late. Like, could-drift-off-at-any-time tired. I accidentally fell asleep while trying to perform child bedtime multiple times this week. I think I was asleep before the girls were; I cannot confirm what happened with them because I was asleep. It seems notably bad when I […]

Lent: An Exercise in Rationalization

I will not eat refined sugar until Easter. I will not eat *dessert* until Easter. I will not eat dessert unless its has clear nutritional value, like chocolate-covered almonds, which are full of antioxidants and protein. I will not eat unhealthy dessert, except on Sundays. If you completely deprive yourself you are destined to fail, […]

Carrots: The boost you need to find your friend

I was standing in the kitchen, diligently cleaning and putting stuff away (read: eating sesame crackers out of the bag while standing in front of the fridge with the door open) when Ella came bursting in. She had been playing across the street at her friend’s house, so was out of breath from running fast […]